Never Do What I Have Done
by abbzeh
Summary: Zeref still loves his little brother. / Manga spoilers


Alright. First fic I've written for Fairy Tail, so I'm super nervous about posting this. Also first fic I've posted for any fandom since 2014, which makes me even more nervous. Please let me know if it's okay?

Title comes from House of the Rising Sun by Five Finger Death Punch.

* * *

 _I heard from God today, and she sounded just like me._  
 _What have I done, and who have I become._  
 _I saw the Devil today, and he looked a lot like me._  
 _I looked away, I turned away_

 _~ Wrong Side of Heaven - Five Finger Death Punch_

* * *

There's a soft summer breeze on the air, creeping in through the open windows. Zeref feels it gently touch his face as he focuses on his work, as seriously as any eight year old can, and smiles slightly at the relaxing atmosphere it brings with it. Smells of freshly cut grass and newly awakened flowers, buzzing of insects in the air and the hum of the wind. Further down the hall, he can hear the tell-tale tinkering coming from the study, meaning that their father is in there, messing with his new ideas.

The rest of the house is quiet, save for the odd noise here and there. Their mother is out at her wizard guild today, having been called in for an emergency meeting. They need her, especially during these times, and she's such a powerful wizard.

There's a loud yell from outside, and Zeref blinks. He gets up and walks over to his window after a moment, looking out if only out of curiosity. When he sees what it is, he smiles.

Natsu, sitting on the grass, bathed in the sunlight and surrounded by toys – most of them things he's stolen from Zeref and forgotten to give back. Not that Zeref minds.

Zeref finds himself leaving his room and school work in favour of going to the garden. When it comes to having the option of playing with his little brother and doing something else, he almost always chooses to play with his brother. Seeing his little brother smile always lifts his mood, and Zeref is almost certain that Natsu's smile could light the heavens themselves with the sheer force of it. And as he gets close enough to Natsu now to notice him coming, for him to see that smile forming now, Zeref doesn't regret choosing this over his work.

"Zeref!" Natsu cheers happily, raising a tiny fist in delight, "You came to play!"

Zeref smiles in response, ruffling Natsu's soft, tufty hair as he sits next to him. "'Course I did, brother." He surveys the area around Natsu, the toys that are still standing and the ones that are fallen, scattered around haphazardly like fallen petals from a flower. "What are you playing?"

Natsu's onyx eyes, so like Zeref's own, light up as he begins to explain. "I'm a dragon, see!" He points to the red cape tied across his shoulders that Zeref had missed. Quite how wearing a red cape makes Natsu a dragon, Zeref doesn't know, but seeing his baby brother so happy isn't something he is about to take away, so he isn't about to question Natsu's logic. If Natsu wants to be a dragon, then he can be a dragon. "And these are bad people." He points at the fallen toys around them.

Zeref smiles in amusement. "Isn't it usually the dragon that's bad?" he asks, thinking of the reports of dragon attacks that always come through their home from their mother; a dragon attacking an innocent village, a town, even just a wanderer. Natsu firmly shakes his head.

"These people are mean. They hurt my friends," Natsu insists, and the way his face shifts and his eyes widen make Zeref believe in his game, if only for a bit.

"In that case, you show them that it's not nice to be mean," Zeref says seriously, and Natsu nods his head, looking at the toys with a dark look. Or as dark a look that a light filled three year old with a love of dragons can manage.

"I'm going to be the strongest dragon! And they will stop being mean!" Natsu proclaims loudly, standing up for emphasis on how serious he's being, red cape waving in the soft summer breeze. Even standing, he's still shorter than Zeref, who is sitting down still, and Zeref smiles to himself, patting Natsu on the hair and ignoring the protest.

There's something wrong, though. Zeref feels as though the warm summer's day is suddenly beginning to heat up, and everything around him is starting to lose focus, both visual and audible. He can hear strange noises ringing in his ears, the sounds of panicked yelling and what sounds like a dragon roaring in – anger, maybe? Or maybe just as an attack? Before his thoughts can linger on this any longer, the scene before him, of Natsu pretending to be a dragon in front of their house, melts away into watercolour, and Zeref blinks.

He's standing on a battlefield, taking in the heat of Natsu's latest fiery attack, which has wiped out nine hundred and seventy three of his toy soldiers. And completely warped the landscape.

They're not children anymore, and they're certainly not playing together.

Zeref himself is an accursed soul – he knows this, he's accepted this ever since Mavis died – and he's committed more sins than most people alive and dead. He can't stop himself from despising humanity, and he'll destroy them for their rejection. Natsu is a bright light that burns, burns brighter than the dragon fire that claimed him four hundred years ago, and he's everything that Zeref isn't, and fights for everything Zeref doesn't.

With the backdrop of fallen soldiers behind him, and the intense look in his eyes, Zeref can see he's not a child anymore. He's a dragon, angry and vengeful.

"I thought it'd take more than that to get you to come out and play," Natsu comments, almost idly. He doesn't look very concerned for the mass destruction he's caused around him. Zeref barely holds back the will to flinch at Natsu's choice in words. All of this is painstakingly familiar, and yet so different that it's making Zeref's head and heart ache with the weight of it all.

Natsu's standing there, across from him, but he's no longer a tiny three year old. He's grown up with wizards and dragons to become powerful – and really, Zeref couldn't be prouder of him – and his onyx eyes that had shined with a bright curiosity, once upon a time, now burn with the intense desire to protect those he holds dear. Maybe the only thing that hasn't changed is his smile – Zeref saw glimpses of it at the Grand Magic Games last year when his brother was with his team mates – but even that has an edge to it now, and many other forms.

 _Take him out now._

 _I will not._

Even now, Zeref still doesn't want to hurt Natsu. At least, not physically.

 _Yes, you do._

 _I **don't**._

He's prepared to infuriate him to the point of a murderous rage, so that Natsu can finally end his life.

 _Don't forget his life as well._

 _Shut up._

So Zeref does what he does best. He smiles as the dust clears around them, ignores the looks and murmurs of the shocked surviving soldiers, and says, "I couldn't resist. I wanted to see you as soon as I could, Natsu."

 _This time_ , he thinks, readying himself for the battle he's been pushing for years, _I'll tell you everything, brother._

* * *

So. Yeah. That was that, and I really hope that was okay because I've been nervous about posting this. So please leave me a review and let me know?


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